Category: essay

Essey: Alcohol and the self: A study in drug use and self perception

~ SamRandom ~ 1 Comment

Trigger warnings: 

Alcoholism, mentions of abuse and implied assault.

Disclaimer:

I want to begin with a series of disclaimers. First and foremost, I must make it clear that I myself do not drink alcohol and have not been truly drunk even once in my life. However, I, like most people, have had experiences with seeing both the positive and negative effects of the use of alcohol. Furthermore, I want to also clarify from the start that I will denote alcohol as a drug in this text as this decision to do so is vital for the point of this essay. The purpose of this text is to discuss and elaborate upon the discussion and culture of perceived alcohol use within a Swedish context.

Introduction

I am not a drinker. I have been drunk once or twice but I just never got into drinking myself. As someone who does not use alcohol, I have had countless discussions of why I chose not to partake in this socially acceptable and expected drug. This text is meant to be an exploration of these discussions, and why they so often turned sour or hostile.

It has dawned on me more and more that these discussions were never about me and my abstinence, but rather what that abstinence does with the narratives around alcohol and drinking. Alcohol use is common in Sweden- about three out of four adults consume alcohol (The Public Health Agency of Sweden, 2022). Although the dangerous consumption of alcohol is decreasing, between 16 and 30 percent of Swedish adults, depending on which study you refer to, still claimed that they had consumed unhealthy amounts of alcohol. Despite these concerning numbers, the topic of alcohol abuse is not something that is often discussed, and when it is indeed raised, it is often framed in a negative light, decrying those that have fallen to this so-called vice. Documentaries, tv series and commercials often depict those who are afflicted by alcoholism as being failures of sorts; that it is due to their personal failings and choices that they find themselves where they are.

Shame and normalcy

I will begin with unpacking two concepts that will be integral to my discussion. The first of which being the notion of shame. I will use shame here in the context of doing something that you have an ethical, emotional or social aversion towards doing something. This shame can be internally motivated (i.e. the action can go against something that you believe or feel). It can also be externally motivated from actual or perceived expectations of wider society the subject exists within.

Alcohol seems to be uniquely positioned in Swedish and western society as a bridge between what is and what is not considered shameful behavior in my experience. The trope of the drunk ex sending embarrassing texts, unwise plans made while inebriated, drunken fights and unfortunate drunken hookups are commonplace in media, especially in romantic comedies. Doing dumb things under the influence of alcohol is almost expected, and in some ways, welcomed. With that said, these actions are simultaneously tied with the shame that comes with the confrontations that will inevitably occur once the effects of alcohol have worn off. 

This leads us to the next term- normality, or normalization. As mentioned in the introduction, alcohol is an almost universal part of most Swedish citizens’ lives. Over eighty percent of adult Swedish citizens have used alcohol at least once within a year, according to the Swedish health department’s latest report. This trend seems to be changing, partly due to influences of other cultures, but it’s also due to a change in the outlook of alcohol by younger generations. The same study shows that comparatively, older Swedes take up a larger percentage of alcohol consumers, and the notion that ‘alcohol is dangerous’ is much more prevalent amongst younger individuals. (The Public Health Agency of Sweden, 2022)

The ambiguity of the use of alcohol makes it hard to look at in the same light as tobacco or cannabis use for example. Alcohol is, and has been for most of its history, a part of Swedes’ daily lives. As mentioned before, the shame and difficult situations that arise from the use of these drugs are not only seen as normal, but often quite comical. This can sometimes make the shameful and painful parts of alcohol use difficult to express earnestly in day to day conversations.

Pain and addiction

Much of the discussions around alcohol that I have been a part of, inevitably comes back to two topics- addiction and pain. The first topic, addiction is something that many that I have spoken with about alcohol have had, or at the very least, have had second hand experiences with. Alcohol is after all, an addictive substance, and is the only truly psychoactive drug that is both socially accepted and juridically legal. (The Public Health Agency of Sweden, 2022)

Alcoholism is also often hidden in plain sight in Sweden. We can all see the cues to the alcohol store when it opens, hear about tales of binge drinkers and on and off alcoholics, but like so much else, it is easily ignored because, once again it is both normal and shameful. The prevalence of individuals who suffer from alcohol makes it unfortunately easier for others to ignore it, as well as to see their suffering as normal or expected. Very much like as it is with homelessness, does an alcoholic also represent what would happen if an individual would fail to meet social expectations. To become addicted to alcohol -to fall from grace so to speak- is often depicted as a personal failure. This shame of becoming the other, of becoming someone that has failed, also makes it harder for most people to empathize or even acknowledge those who suffer from alcoholism. To do so would be to acknowledge the risks in their own behaviors and choices.

The effects of alcohol can sometimes lead to dangerous behaviors and poor decision making skills. Accidents due to loss of motor skills, lack of self awareness and a heightened sense of invulnerability are all well attested effects of the drug. These injuries or other pain caused under the influences can often be easily laughed off by the surrounding population, and is once again, somewhat normalized and accepted. This normalization makes it harder to verbalize and discuss openly what happened during said painful events. This may lead to more internalized regret and shame over the individual’s actions. This, tied with the addictive nature of the drug, can easily lead to a spiral of dependency and disgust of the substance. (Pietrangelo, 2023)

Alcohol affects different people differently, while some gets solemn and quiet, others gets loud and boisterous, and others get angry and violent. Many have each of these reactions at different times. When violence and anger shows up, it is not uncommon for those closest to the intoxicated to be the one that suffers the most. This, like many other negative effects of alcohol use, is something that everyone at least has a third hand account of. Many I have spoken to have tales of someone who has suffered at the hands of someone with alcohol dependency, or simply with especially aggressive or violent reactions to alcohol. The shame is present here as well, both in the shame of the perpetrator and their victims. I want to be very careful with my claims here, as I have not been personally affected by this form of tragedy, nor do I have expert knowledge in the subject. I, like many others, have second or third hand experiences, as well as experiences of ingesting several media presentations of alcohol and violence. (Pietrangelo, 2023) I will end my discussion of this particular topic here as a result, as it is such a big subject that there is no way I can even begin to do it justice in this short essay on my personal experiences.

Alcohol and the self

I would argue that very few people initially see themselves as an addict, and often need help from others to see this. The argument often goes like this, “alcoholism, abuse and other destructive behaviors are something that happens to others, not me”. Among the people I have spoken to regarding their alcohol use, all of them are clear that they are more or less in control of their alcohol consumption. This is not to say that the people I talked to were wrong or lying. It is simply a trend I have noticed. 

I will once again tread very carefully here, for I have very little experience in talking to individuals that have been, or currently are clinically addicted to alcohol. What has become apparent, if the rest of my conclusions are to be believed, is that to be an addict, is to become an other, in the eyes of those around you.

The self and other as non drinker

There are several tropes I have encountered regarding the non-drinker in Sweden. Non-drinkers are often seen as prudes, being boring, not fitting in or wanting to just make a point. Many of these negative tropes I would argue, can be linked to shame and normalcy that we have discussed earlier. Seeing how normalized the use of alcohol is, it is not surprising that one would be seen as somewhat of an outsider for not drinking. Seeing someone not drinking would also confront someone who drinks with several of the concepts discussed earlier. The self image of the non drinker, is in all intent and purpose unimportant to the text.

Conclusions

This text has not meant to present a complete image on how alcohol culture looks in Sweden, or how this pertains to Swedish society in general. I aim to share some of my personal experiences with alcohol as alcohol discourse as someone that doesn’t personally drink. I likewise would like to air some of my grievances I have had with said discourse, and try and formulate them in text.

In this text I have tried to argue that by normalizing the use of alcohol, it makes it hard to criticize the use of the drug without criticizing the users of the drug. This may lead to individuals finding it hard to express their feelings on things that have happened regarding their use, or others use of alcohol. I do not wish to demonize alcohol or alcohol use as completely evil, but simply to try and open up and change how we discuss alcohol, both its good and bad sides.

Note that I have not discussed the more positive aspects of alcohol, both as a drug, and as a social construct, this is simply due to the fact that I believe such a topic deserves its own chapter, as it is way too complex and nuanced to fit in here.

The Public Health Agency of Sweden. (2022.). https://www.folkhalsomyndigheten.se/the-public-health-agency-of-sweden/living-conditions-and-lifestyle/andtg/alcohol/

Pietrangelo, A. (2023). What Are the Effects of Alcohol on the Body? Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/alcohol/effects-on-body#physical

Essey: mellodifestivalen, a tale of big egos and low expectations

~ SamRandom ~ Leave a comment

Melodifestivalen is the Swedish regional part of the eurovision song contest. Here is where Sweden’s representation is chosen in a several week long media spectacle. Seeing how this is the Swedish broadcast networks (SVT) biggest crowd pusher of the year, it is no surprise that the company wants to get as much out of it as possible. This can be most easily seen by the extension of the contest that has happened over the many years of its run.

Melodifestivalen is  one of, if not The must see television show on Swedish TV. This can come from genuine enjoyment, scorn, an unwillingness to miss out, or a combination of all the above. In this essay I will use the series as a way to deconstruct two major themes that can be found in many of SVTs productions. One being that of a sense of ego and inflated importance, as well as a sense of entitlement to lowered standards. There is this air of SVT productions that are expected to be measured with a lower standard because they are “just public television”. I will in this essay aim to discuss how these two modes of thinking often contradict each other.

Low standard and the sense of being “just SVT” is something that is easy to spot in the production of Melodifestivalen. Despite being played in a grand arena, having a grand budget, almond raking in millions of views, is it always a sense of amateurish feeling over the production and script writing of the show itself. The jokes are corny and not very well thought out, the presenters give off the feeling of uncomfortable convention hosts. Many of the jokes that are pulled from this real or perceived amateurishness, like the ironic use of comic sans, or the fact that a joke did not land, being the punchline to the joke more often than not.

This is not an opinion I am alone with, and as I have alluded to,  are there many that watch the show to groan at the bad jokes and corny performances, as well as the often sadly misguided musical performances. This is a fact that SVT is well aware of, and has on more than one occasion made light of in their comedy often at the expense of their detractors.

A good example of this is the year that SVT used muppets to present their different viewers and their reason to watch. One pair of these puppets being an elderly, upper class and intellectual couple that watched the show seemingly in pure duress, and spent the entire show berating and degrading it. This would have been a fine thing to do, even though the Muppets did it first and better with the peanut gallery, if it wasn’t for the fact that the old couple that “just didn’t get it”, were always right!

This attitude of casually dismissing criticism as overly intellectual snobs is something that can be found in other productions then just Melodifestivalen. Many of their shows like Uti Bugda and similar comedy show as a distinct lowbrow, and yet mean spirited tone towards their perceived audience. This is furthermore followed by yet again a notion that any low production values or bad quality from their part should be forgiven due to their state of public television, and as a result, not as fancy as commercial television.

SVT was, for a long time the only television that was available for the Swedish population, as the first and only tv channel made in, and for Sweden. They were from the beginning, and still are fully funded by Swedish tax money, and operate, at least in theory, fully free from both government and commercial interest. SVT is considered to be a public service, much like the BBC in the UK, and as a result is meant to work in service of the public. This project involves trying to cater to as wide an audience as possible, and to make sure to give something for everyone, or in other words, for the general public. This runs the gambit from low brow comedy shows, to high concept discussion shows on art, faith and science. In later years has this responsibility been spread over several channels where SVT 1 remained the most focused towards, in lack of a better word, mass audiences, where SVT2, Knowledge channel, and the SVT kids taking over many of the more specialized roles. It is not perhaps surprising that Melodifestivalen is hosted only at SVT 1. This sense of being in the service to the public, as well as being the first TV channel available has, I would argue, led to an elevated sense of importance amongst the executives of SVT.

SVT today does not exist alone. And for decades they have now had to contend with the competition of other, nonprofit and for profit TV stations and conglomerates, and it is in this relationship that both of their self images can be found and understood. On one end does SVT tout their role as, free (in a way) entertainment, education and culture for the public. That they serve a higher purpose than the commercial TV stations as their role as public services. On the other hand does it also seem to exist a certain defensiveness in SVTs many shows about, not being able to, and in fact, that they should not be expected to be as good as the big commercial stations with their enormous budgets and talent pools.

Nowhere else I would argue, is this dichotomy more apparent, then in the case of Melodifestivalen. There is a grand sense of being the People’s entertainment festival, and there is indeed in theory possible for anyone to join and possibly win the entire contest. There is a sense that SVT is almost doing the nation a service by providing the Swedish people of something to gather around, be proud of, and more importantly then all, to take part in, And yes, here I have to give credit where credit is due, as Melodifestivalen does rake in thousands of dollars for charity every year. At the same time the show is mired with flat comedy, self referential and erogatory comedy and an overall sense of, Don’t bully us, we are just the silly show Melodifestivalen.

This contrast is what, in my opinion, makes Melodifestivalen uniquely frustrating to watch, and I have to admit, I do still watch it every year.

Essay: Mental health in roleplaying games, a case study

~ SamRandom ~ 4 Comments

Vampire the Masquerade and Elder scrolls, playing the mad

The depiction of mental health in fiction has had a long and dark history. Often has mental health been used as a mark of otherness, evil or as comic relief. Maniac killers, sadistic monsters or babbling clowns are often seen in popular media for the last hundred years. Today I will discuss another form of madness in fiction, one that has a long history in many cultures around the world, madness as inspiration.

Setting the stage

The image of the mad or deranged seer is not a new archetype by any sense of the word. Many examples can be found within Greek and Roman mythology, Cassandra the seer being one of the more famous examples of this. A woman with absolute clairvoyance, but cursed to be seen as mad or as a liar by all that hears her. These examples are indeed the basis for my first example, the Malkavian clan of vampires in Vampire the Masquerade. Being that the setting is deeply rooted in Abrahamic traditions, it is not surprising that Roman and Greek tales and fables would be integral to the setting, considering their importance the development of christianity.

The Malkavians are depicted to be blessed, or cursed with a form of sight, to be able to see into the future, past, as well as the realities behind their own. They are furthermore cursed, or gifted by one or several forms of mental illness or neurodivergence. The willing or unwilling followers of Sheagorath is likewise both cursed and blessed. As most if not all of them are artisticly or intelectually talanted in some form or another. While this is not always the case, there is more often then not a tie between artistic and intelectual prowers, and madness. It seems that seeking to deeply or to greedily in to the secrets of the world of Elder scrolls is a sure way to have your mind warped in some way.

The family of the mad and the free

Each bloodline of the vampires, think of them has heradatary lines from one generation to another, has a founder or original creator. In the case of the Malkavian, this original creator was known as Malkov. A seer and wiseman that said to have drunk to deeply from the veins of his master, and gleemed secrets no mortal should witness.

With this wisdom came visions, visions of the future, and the past. This made him feared, and loathed by his simplings and fellow vampires. Their ire grew so large, that one day he was dismembered, and like the god Osiris, burried in seperete points of the earth. But, unlike Osiris, he was never put toghter, he was never saved, but insted left to suffer and rage in his many prisions, for a man of such great power and evil, is not so easily destroyed. Instead of making his body whole, instead his influense spread just as far as his mortal form now had. By infiltrating and connecting all the minds of his children, he was able to be everywhere, and nowhere at once. This connection to Malkov, and between his children is known as the madness network.

The Malkavian vampires of the modern setting of Vampire the masqauarade is directly or indirectly tied in to the madness network, and can use it, concsly or unconcisly to pull forth emoptions, memories and knowlage of other members of the Clan Malkavian. This trade is far from safe tough, and it easy to catch more then you asked for when diving in to the subconcious of hundreds of undead individuals. The madness network is not called for no reason, and each individual inflicted with Malkavian vampyrism is in one way or another afflicted with some sort of mental divergence, or have their old once enhancesd or even replaced. Madness is in the case of the Malkavians directly tied fo the concept of forbidden or esoteric knowlage, and the Malkavians are indeed able to see beyond the mundane dimentions of even the supernatural realms of vampires and ghosts, in to the beyond. So strong is this power that they can even change the very fabric of the world around them, foming it more to fit their own view of how things truly are.

This connection was not always present with the Malkavians, and there was a time that they tried, in an attempt to blend better in with their vampire brethren of the Camarilla they gave up, or at least stemmed some of their more outlandish powers, and they hoped, their neourises. The Camarilla is an organization that thrives on normalcy, tradition and hiding in plain sight, all things that the Malkavians had a dificulty to follow. Unlike their chaotic brothers in the Sabbat, that fully embraced their curse, did the Camarilla Malkavians for a time manage to stem their affliciton, at least outwordily. The act of “blending in” or “acting normal” is one that I am sure that many of my fellow neurodivergent readers recognise. And it was just an act for the Malkavians, an act mostly for themselves, and despite the fact that they had sucesfully cut themselves of from their more strange and disturbing powers, were the same, strangeness or otherness still there, just muted or repressed. The real life allegories here are not hard to spot, and the extremes of either repression or fully embracing once otherness is not uncommon in the real life. I to have been forced to learn certain social codes or behaviours to fit in, or hide my angsiety or obsessive tought patterns to others. and I known many others that have been forced to do the same.

This mask did not hold for long, and the madness of Malkov is back in full force in the modern Malkavian, if not even stranger. Their Sabbat brethren, due to their brutal and cruel ways have intertwined even deeeper in to the Malkavian madness network, to the point where they more resemple collection of hiveminds then individuals.

The real life allegories here are not hard to spot, and the extremes of either repression or fully embracing once otherness is not uncommon in the real life. I to have been forced to learn certain social codes or behaviours to fit in, or hide my angsiety or obsessive tought patterns to others. and I known many others that have been forced to do the same. Likewise is the Sabbat Malkavians an example of how destructive and manipulative social structures can make such mental ilnesses and divergences even worse, and in some cases lead to co-dependenices.

One of the more striking features of playing a Malkavinan is that you can not choose, not to be “mad” in some form or another. Every player can choose to have have negative traits, one of them being what the game calls Derangements, but a Malkavian can not choose, they Have to take at least one of these derangement. The Malkavian is in other words forced in to the roll of a form of other via the mental divergence of their blood. This divergence also comes with higntened senses, intuison or artisitc abilities they did not have as a mortal. This consept does make the Malkavians very dificult to play, and even more dificult to play well, as it is easy to fall in to clyshes or turn your character in to a comedic parody. Thankfully the player handbook does a good job of introducing the players that may not have had a personal experience of mental divergence, and sheperds them trough the process of seeing the world trough another view. For as the proverb goes, “the mirror is cracked, but surprisingly clear”.

To become madness, and to witness the mad

Elder scrolls take a different route when it comes to its relationship to madness, as it is often represented by a god, in the form of Sheogorath, the god of madness but also the patron of poets, artists and intellectuals to some extent. Sheogorath himself is shown to be arbitrary, petty and childish, but also frighteningly intelligent and quick witted. He often plays an antagonistic role, and seems to take great pleasure in humbling the proud and arrogant, a trait he also shares with the Malkavians.

In this chapter I will focus on the expansion adventure to Elder Scrolls Oblivion called The Shivering Isles, where the player not only aims to save the realm of the mad god, but eventually to become the mad god themselves. Through this adventure the player is confronted with many facets of what the game calls madness, primarily divided into Mania, the land of excess, euphoria and mania, and dementia, representing depression, paranoia and dysphoria. The tale is filled with subtle and not so subtle references to mental health, medication as well as creativity and obsessive creation.

The leader of Dementia is a cruel woman driven by her paranoia that makes her jump at every shadow, and see evil and ruin everywhere. The leader of Mania is on the other hand a man addicted to powerful drugs that helps with his manic depressive moods. While many of the examples of madness are written off as a joke, are there some genuinely interesting or tragic characters in the Isles. One example is a man in Dementia that wishes you to kill him, as committing suicide would lead him to have to endure great torments from the land itself, as Sheagoorath himself has instructed. If you agree to help this man, you will gain access to his house, where you find his journal as well as a Ring of happiness. Here the man describes how he has dissociative episodes, and suffers from grave depression. He later describes how a mage nade him the ring of happiness, and while it did make him feel less empty and hollow, it also made him feel less of himself, numb and strange, as a result he stopped wearing it. This is a clear allegory to antidepressants, and how it is not uncommon for individuals to feel that something of themselves is lost in the use of them.

What makes this take on madness so different then the Malkavian example, is the fact that the player, from the very start is told that, You do not belong. Your character is not seen as one of the true citizens of the isles, and is as a result coded as, for the lack of a better word, sane. Note that you are, as a player, still put in the role of an outsider, but for very different reasons. Instead of being pulled into the role of the mad or manic is the player instead presented as the one sane individual in a land of the mad. Here it is worth noting that the act of any open world rpg character, can in no way be described as sane or normal for that matter, but that is a discussion for another time.

What is interesting is that, despite the player being given this label of sanity, do you still turn into the god of madness at the end. Despite your status as an outsider, are you quite forcefully pressed into the role of not only leading the game’s idea of madness, but to fully embody it. While the Elder scrolls series takes a lighter and more shallow approach to mental health and mental health struggles, is it still worthy to take up as an example here. One of the reasons being the more traditional and shallow approach that the work takes.

Conclusions

The biggest differences, besides tone and depth, is the player characters’ relationship to the other in the form of the mad. Elder scrolls series, and many other media forms presents the player as a spectator or outside observer to mad or divergent, even after becoming the Mad god, you are never truly a part of it. Playing a Malkavian on the other hand, forces you into the mind of the other, you become the mad, you become the other. Few pieces of media have, in my opinion, managed to toe the line of forcing the reader into the mindspace of the other and the divergent, without needing to resort to images of illusions and hallucinations.

The madness of Elder scrolls is loud and external, and something you encounter and interact with. The madness of Malkov is often silent, internal, and something you have to face and either accept and internalize, or fight and suppress.

Essay: Ebooks, and the tactile feeling of turning a digital page

~ SamRandom ~ Leave a comment

I have thought about why the sensation of reading things on Archive.org or in games like Skyrim had a much more satisfying feeling than reading something on a pdf. The reason is the tactile feeling these texts have. In this text I will explore the sensations of tactility, and their effects on the sensation of, and appreciation of reading.

Introduction

Tactility is something that has often been touted to describe the superiority of physical books over digital ones, and I have to agree with them. There is a completely different feeling to reading a physical book, flipping the pages, and holding the book, than scrolling through pages on a phone or PC. The feeling of flipping a page, of pulling your finger through the page. The ability to earmark a page or put in a bookmark. There are of course other senses that also play in on to this, smell sight and sound are some of these senses that can not fully be integrated into a reading on a digital book. This text will focus almost primarily on the sensations on touch, and how they relate to the feeling of experiencing a book. I personally find that I can draw a much closer connection to a book if I am able to touch it, flip through its pages, and run my hand along its spine. Just the sensation of flipping a page is enough to highlight the importance of touch when it comes to reading a book.

By tactility, I will in this text relate to the sensation of physical touch or feel, or as you will read, the digital approximation of this sensation. I aim to show that tactility is not limited to the sense of physical touch, but also the digital recreation of it. Heat, pressure and texture are all important parts of the sensation of touch, and tactality as a result. The sensation of a book can be as varied as the books themselves. From the brittle pages of an old tomb, to the rough pages of a cheap paperback novel. Many of these sensations, such as heat, can currently not be transferred to a digital medium, but I will argue in this text, that some approximations of other tactile sensations can still be found.

The PDF

The first type of text I will discuss is the one that most people are familiar with, and that most of my viewers have used in their daily lives, the humble PDF document. This document type is designed to be read only and is not written over, making it difficult to be modified (though exceptions do exist). A PDF document by default is meant to look like a physical piece of paper, with the text represented on it as if it was printed. The text itself is presented in the centre of the program, and may take on a number of forms. Different colors on the background paper, and the typeface may have been used, as well as different fonts, just as with any physical book. The program itself is made out of the previously mentioned central reading area, as well as a black and white border, where several options of reading can be found.

The PDF reader has a few options on how you may read your file, size, amount of pages on the screen at once etc but the base is still going to be of a number of pages on a blank background for you to scroll through. I bring up the PDF primarily to have something to compare the later texts with. While I do find reading a PDF document slightly less tiring than say a word document, it is still not what I would call an enjoyable experience. Why I find PDF files less tiring, I could not say for sure.

Epub and Kindle

A slight step above the humble PDF document is Adobe’s own digital book reader. Note that the same problems and advantages can be found with things like kindle readers and the like, but I use Adobe digital editions simply because it is the one I am personally the most familiar with, which is why I have chosen to use it as my example.

These platforms will present the text in a slightly more book emulated fashion, but still not very close to the actual feeling of holding a book. You are still reading text documents much in the same way as you would in a PDF document, though with a few more bells and whistles a more customizable outline of the book’s pages. Note that the books often retain some of the page layouts and typefaces of the physical books they are based on, which do lend a bit more of a tactile feeling to the experience, though this can equally be done with a PDF document.

Project Gutenburg

First and foremost, must I say that Project Guthenburg is an amazing initiative and that has done wonders for the academic world. It is an amazing project to digitize and make available enormous amounts of materials from the public domain. Most, if not all of these can be downloaded and read in formats such as Epub and kindle, which makes these texts very easy to work with. Their dedication to continuing to make available otherwise difficult to reach texts is truly the be commended. 

With that said, their reader on the website is atrocious to say the least, large blocks of text with huge margins on each side makes the writing stretched out in a strange column, and the empty spaces makes it hard to focus on any area in particular. Not to mention that the font choices were not chosen to primarily be read on a screen. It is unfortunate that such a wonderful collection of texts should be limited in its use by a less than user-friendly interface and reading experience. This is a good example of the importance of tactility, even in digital reading materials.

Archive.org

The project of archive.org is similar to that of Project Gutenburg, though larger in scope, as their efforts stretch way beyond books and other printed materials. But for this text I will simply focus on the texts, and at that the more professionally scanned and presented texts that can be found within the website’s archives.

These books have not only been masterfully digitized using state of the art techniques, they have also been recreated and presented in such a way to have the books be readable, as physical books. 

With this I mean that every single book to Archive.org in this way has pages that can be flipped through as if it was a physical book. Each page can be flipped back and forth, and the process of doing so is fully animated. This seemingly simple addition gives a dimension to the reading that is not present in any of the other digital alternatives I have mentioned so far.

The fact that the book itself is scanned and not just the text, means that the color and texture of the page itself is also preserved, for better or worse. Due to the books being recreated from photographs, also means that any notes, scribbles or stains are kept from the original. These slight imperfections further create the illusion of dealing with a physical book rather than a digital recreation. The addition of front and back covers, that can be flipped open and closed, also adds to the experience of reading through a physical book.

The Elder scrolls

The Elder Scrolls series are far from the only game series that has readable books, and not the only one that presents them in such an interactive way. I choose this series for a number of reasons, first of all is it a series that many of my readers are familiar with, it is also one that I have a lot of personal experience with personally. 

I furthermore think that the Elder Scrolls  does an exceptional job at presenting its texts in an immersive and enjoyable way. The books are written in a distinct handwritten style, the paper of the books in Skyrim and onwards are unevenly cut, making the illusion of thickness to the book even more apparent. The books also have clear animations for each page being flipped, accompanied by a satisfying page turning sound. 

Many other games have presented their written in universe materials in similar ways, and one can argue that there are examples of it being done better, but the Elder Scrolls is non the less a good example of what I aim to show with tactality. Their plentiful books and journals are easy to find in all the later iterations of the games, and can in some cases be rather integral to solving certain puzzles and quests in the games.

Conclusions

I wished to show in this text, that the tactile feel of reading a book, or for that matter carrying out most tasks, is not necessarily limited to the physical touch of that item. Digital recreations of certain items can come close to, even if not fully replacing the tactile notion of the real thing.    

This same feeling of tactality can be found in certain puzzle games, or simulator games, such as the The Room series of games. Virtual reality technology like the Oculus rift will most likely take this tactile experience even further, but for this text I have chosen to solely focus on the recreation of flipping a page. 

I furthermore wish to show the importance of these tactile elements being taken into account when designing a digital reading experience. By giving the reader a more, sensuary complete experience can they come closer to the text, and hopefully get less fatigued from the reading experience. At least, both of these outcomes have been true for my own experience, but further research is needed to say anything definitive on the subject.

Essay: Abandoned digital spaces; part 2, Second life, Life amongst the relics

~ SamRandom ~ Leave a comment

Introduction

Second Life was a popular three dimensional chat room in the early 2000s, following in the footsteps of several programs and applications. What sets these chatrooms apart is the fact that they are fully modeled 3 dimensional spaces you can explore and interact with, much like in a first or third person video game. These environments are more often than not the creations of the users of the program themselves, often aided by tools created by the developers of the platform. Many of these areas, due to their technical limitations, as well as the varying artist skills of their users, often exhibit an alien, or surreal quality to them.

The creators of Second Life, Linden Labs envisioned, as the title of the program entails, that people would live two lives, one in real life, and one in Second Life. Businesses, relationships and educational endeavors were all things that were envisioned to, and still do to this day. Second life does indeed still have a very vibrant and colorful population, and the platform is far from abandoned. It is on the other hand not these areas that we are going to explore in this text, but rather we are going to use second life as a vehicle to explain creation, entropy and decay in the digital spaces.

Creation and destruction in digital spaces

The act of creation in a digital space as Second Life must by its very nature be an active act. Even if this creation is made by a program, or random algorithm is it something that needs to be started. What this means is that every single surface, regardless of how naturally created it seemed, is always willed into existence in one way or another. When it comes to the lands, the sea and the sky of Second Life is this created by Linden Labs, the self professed gods of the world. A topic worthy of its own essay, as well as the supposed roles of these gods.

Destruction is a more complicated topic to discuss. I will label destruction in two ways, intended and unintended. This distinction related to whether or not the program in question, here being Second Life, accommodated for this destruction to happen or not. In other words is intended destruction any form of deletion that happened in the similar way that creation happens, ultimately intentional and user created. Unintended destruction pertains to things not planned for by the program or its creator, such as glitches, power outages or hardware and software malfunctions. I would argue that the first category can be said to exist within the context of the digital world, while the second form pertains to destruction of the very world itself.

Degradation and entropy

The concept of degradation will here be defined as the slow and natural degradation of al mater and energy into its base components. everything breaks down, melts and crumbles, before it can be reformed into something else.

How can we tackle and quantify entropy and degradation in a world that, ideally never rots, breaks down or slows down. These examples would all fall under what I earlier described as external destruction. As we discussed before can these forces only enter the world of second life via external forces outside of the program itself. Outdated drives, invalid i.p addresses and the inevitable shutdown of a server. I would not argue that this is not to be seen as entropy in the world itself as the change of organic matter within an ecosystem or the reshaping of the planet itself. This would rather be a slow and inevitable degradation of the very framework of the world itself, the slow heat death of the universe.

Intentional destruction, as discussed before, pertains to the deletion or alteration of certain aspects of the worlds, either by the creators themselves, the creators of the program, or in some cases, by mellitus third parties such as hackers. These acts, are as the title implies, direct and intended acts of destruction, and can as a result not fall under our standard definition of entropy.

Abandoned lands

For a space to be considered abandoned in this text, must it still be available in the game world itself, but no longer in use by any of the original inhabitants or creators of the space. The space must also have fallen out of regular use and awareness of the population of Second Life in general. As long as these spaces are not actively removed, they will continue to exist in this state, in theory forever.

An area that has not been used, but not been deleted, will still exist within the world, unchanged, in status, until the server one day fails. While abandoned and left to their own devices, will their digital nature keep them from ever degrading or changing in any way, not unless any form of external or internal destruction occurs.

I have spent much time in these abandoned areas of second life in my travels of the program. It is an utterly serene, and horrifying notion to go through these still intact ruins, many of which will not be visited again for years, and will most likely never see use again. This state of affairs will however not last forever. As technology changes, code is rewritten, and new hardware is invented, these will become more and more out of sync with the rest of its reality. Visual objects will fail to load, links will break and, if care is not taken to renew these areas, will users eventually be unable to visit these areas altogether. And so, death comes to a digital land.

Reappropriation and renewal

Just as with the degradation and abandonment of an area, the appropriation and renewal of an area be made with even more of a direkt and active effort then any sort of real life area would need. Linden Labs as discussed earlier have the power to change, remove or regain control of any area or item in the game at any moment. This fact is not unique to Second life, and is indeed a basis to any website or internet product controlled by a single company. What sets Second life, and similar three dimensional chat rooms apart, is the visual aspects. Being able to control your character moving around a statue, and interact with it in real life, makes its disappearance, or replacement different, more tactile then if the same thing happened to say an image on a message board. 

The size and scope of the current Second life servers makes it unlikely that many areas need to be removed, though lands on what is known as the mainland is regularly bought, sold and confiscated as it is, as Linden Labs put it “under their direct control”. Other lands are known as Estates, and are, in theory, under the direct control of whoever leases the land, though they are as well, truly under the control of Linden Labs, if they would choose to enact their powers. These estates will, just as land on the mainland, assuredly be taken back by Linden Labs if the users are found to be in breach of the companies terms of service. It is very likely that, due to the economic and popular demand of Second Life, that no region or item in under Linden Labs care will ever become so obsolete that it will become inaccessible, but this too, is also temporary in the grand scale of time.

Conclusions

It is very likely that, due to the economic and popular demand of Second Life, that no region or item in Linden Labs care will ever become so obsolete that it will become inaccessible, but even I have, in my short travels through the lands, found a fair share of unavailable modules, addresses that no longer exist, and textures replaced with error messages. 

Second Life has reached its peak, and though their number of users seem stable, it is unlikely that it will make much of a resurgence in the future. So far the denizens of Second Life, and their worlds are safe from the slow breaking of their world, and if you stay within the populated areas, you would most likely not even notice it was happening.

But I implore you, if you ever visit Second Life, veer off the beaten paths, wander off into the never changing wilds, and behold the slow heat death of a universe with your own eyes.

Pictures taken from https://pixabay.com and used with their promition,

Essay: Abandoned digital spaces; part 1, introduction

~ SamRandom ~ Leave a comment

This text is the second in a series of informal essays where I present a more causal argument then my normal analytical texts. I this text will be the first in a series discussing abandoned spaces of digital landscapes, and how they may seen as mirrors of their real life equivalents. This chapter will discuss the basic themes and concepts we will need for our furhter discussion of the topic.

Introduction

The abandoned and lost space of humankind have always intrigued me for as long as I can remember. From the ancient towns and burials of long lost civilisations, to the modern ruins of failed commercial enterprises, there is a certain sense of longing and sadness I feel when visiting these areas. It is a feeling I find hard to put in to words, and one that I surprisingly felt when exploring the virtual chat room Second Life for the first time, the vast square miles of now abandoned and forgotten buildings awoken something within me, a feeling that I wish to try and express trough this series.

Before we start this exploration proper, I have some concepts I would like to present. This chapter will be dedicated to a few analytical terms that we will use to explore a number of strange and partly to full abandoned digital spaces. By setting out clear parameters, I hope to make this series easier to follow, as well as more enjoyable to read.

Definitions

I will start this series by making some definitions of the material I will discuss in this series. These terms will be as a base for every world we will be analysing in this series. I will primarily discuss two aspects of the abandoned spaces we will find in this series. The first pertains to the places themselves, the second will discuss the creators of these spaces.

Virtual Landscapes

First of all I will present the main three various digital lands. By doing so will I hope to more easily help the reader conceptualize the spaces I am presenting. I will split up the areas we will explore in three separate categories, websites, games and virtual chatrooms.

The website

Arguably one of the oldest repository of digital content, along with chat rooms and databases. Many of these services had been lost to time, or simply fallen in to technological obscurity. The endless march of technological progress pushing more and more of these once high tech and modern services in to the void of obscurity.

Exploring some of these website, be it via an archive, or by visiting some of the few pages that are still up and unaltered, it is, at least to me an etherial experience in and of itself. The radically different design language, the esoteric ways of orienting oneself across the website, the inherent newness (at the time), of the hyperlinks. The infamous space jam website is still available and mostly fully operational after al this time, but there exist a wide number of various sites for you to explore on your leisure. I would be amiss if I did not mention the amazing work of internet archives, Wayback machine!

The most basic form of world we will look at will be a series of web sites, forums and databases that have for one reason or another been abandoned or neglected by their original creators. I mainly added this segment for completeness sake, and will most likely not spend most of my time discussing websites per say. Note that some games such as Neo-Pets will inevitably fall within the preview of website as well as game world. I will point these instances out when we encounter them.

The game

There are innumerable games that have been abandoned by their publishers over the years, but for this text in particular I wish to discuss the various online games, be it games played via a web browser or a dedicated platform. many online only games of today and yesteryear will eventually be met with this faith, of being left to their own devices, and slowly disappearing in to the void of obscurity.

For the sake of this series will I only discuss games that are explicitly meant to be experienced in an online environment, and one that is still accessible online in its original form, or via some form of facilely, like third party servers. I will only discuss games that are currently accessible online, and have some sort of servers running. I want to be able to experience the servers themselves, as much as the games, so any game that has an offline function as stand in, will as a result not be covered in this series.

The virtual chatroom

The virtual chat room is what this text will spend most of its time discussing. The concept of a virtual chatroom is one that has for a long time interested me deeply. The idea of having a visual representation of your avatar for the sole purpose of chatting is somehow deeply fascinating to me. The fact that many of these worlds allows the users to create their own custom content and avatars makes this concept so much more interesting to me personally.

The most well known of these virtual worlds currently would be VR chat, but for this series will primary spend our time discussion its predecessors such as second life. Due to the fact that Second Life and its contemporaries has existed for so long, it means that the existence of abandoned and or lost materials is rather prevalent amongst the its virtual landscapes. These abandoned structures, towns and monuments will be one of the main points of interest for this series.

The creators

We must also discuss the creators of these virtual worlds. Some creators, like when it comes to the developers of the worlds, be it a website or game are easy enough to pin down. The other creators, as we will see, are more elusive and harder to pin down. Much like how archaeologists tries to trace the identities and lives of the the architects of ancient civilisations, so will we try and gleam stories from what the makes of the worlds have left us.

Developers

The first category of creators we will discuss is the “official originators” of the digital world. The developers, publishers and owners . It is at their prerogative that the worlds itself was created and it is at their prerogative that the world can be destroyed. When it comes to most video games and websites, the creation is squarely set at the hands of the developers.

I will in this series define developers first as foremost as the “official”, original creators of the product, and any third party support or creation will be first and foremost be seen as creations of the users. I will note where there are exceptions to these rules.

Due tot he significant amount of official correspondence, journalism and other materials will it be rather easy to find official narratives to many, if not most of the abandoned worlds we will be discussing in this series. With that said, as I am a belier in the concept of the death of the author as a valuable tool for discussing media, will I be first and foremost look to the texts themselves when we go on our digital archaeological digs.

Users

Many websites or online games uses some form of user generated materials as part of their world building, be it posting, character creation of full on modifications to the base product. User generated contend takes a much bigger parts in virtual chatrooms such as second life and VR chat, where entire worlds are made out of the creations of its users.

By user I am in this text referring to individuals that have purchased or in other ways gained access to the product, and is creating content without ties to the official developers.

The nature of user created materials make it difficult to find out any details of the original creators. even if we have a name and ad ate of creation, it is more often then not some form on pseudonym or nickname. even if we were to know these creators, finding any additional information about them would be exceedingly difficulty, if not impossible. just when excavating real life settlements, we will have to really on general knowlage of the time period, and the general knowledge of the culture, to gleam some information from these digital dig sites.

“Nature”

Many of these worlds are enormous, and while much of it is created by and, many features are also created by algorithms or similar processes. These randomly generated materials are an inportant part of the wider digital worlds that we will be exploring in this series, and can ad a surprising amount of character and ambience to any area,

This this segment will I also ad any form of error, coding incomparability another problem with the media that the creators did not intent on. Due to their very nature, it is impossible to ascertain the nature of the “true” creators of these elements. With that said, examining these natural features, might gives us some hints on the rules that govern the worlds we are exploring.

Final thoughts

I have in this text, in as brief of an explanation as I can, presented the basis for this series. we will use this base formula, as we make our way on our digital scientific travels. My goal is to present this series in the form of a travel journal, together with an archaeological study. These are both formats that are new to me, and as a result this entire series will be a learning experience for me.

Note that this series will be a lot more informal and personal then my normal materials, and I hope that you will find this trip an interesting one, as we travel in to strange new lands. If this sort of text is not your cup of tea, then more traditional research and analysis is on the way as well!

Consider a state

~ SamRandom ~ Leave a comment

Today we will follow up on our earlier discussion about the state as a concept. Historicity has states, as defined by Hobbes, exist as long as humans have lived in any form of organized tribe.

Today we will focus on defining the “modern nation state”. With this term I refer in this text, specifically to the unified nations that formed as a result of, and with the explicit help of the rise of European nationalism.

This nationalism can in part be attributed to the rise of unified nation states in the west. Germany, the UK, France and many more nations went from decentralized governance to a more centralized form. With this centralization came the need for a notion of a complete and uniform national identity. This identity would unify the nation’s citizens under one banner. This national identity would also legitimize the state’s rule. This act also helped legitimize the state’s interaction with other states. These interactions include everything from trade negotiations, to war and colonization.

This nation state is as much defined as what it is, as what it is not. What I mean by this statement is the following. When defining who are the citizens of a state (us), one must simultaneously define why is not (them). At the rise of European nationalism this often meant exaggerating some perceived virtue of the nation’s citizens while exaggerating negative traits of the “others”.

It is true that nationalism has similar themes, discussions and problems etc has evolved in several areas and time frames around the world. The somewhat unfortunate Eurocentric standpoint of the environment this blog is created in, makes me think that Europe is where our discussion starts. With this said, I believe there are some simulates that can be found in most if not all of these events.

The common element that we are going to focus on here is the following: all national identities are by their design, fabricated. What I mean by this is the following:

All national identities are created by its parent nation, state and most importantly, the people that embody it. Next time we will look closer at what makes up a national identity.

This blog post was spell checked and edited for readability at 2021-06-07

Conider a country part 1

~ SamRandom ~ Leave a comment

Consider a country, consider it bearing in mind all we have considered before in these texts considering roads, towns, cities, cars and people. From above imagine the network of roads, towns, houses and businesses and lives. These collections are both independent, and completely dependent on each other.  Note that these dependencies do not end at an arbitrary land border, but spread freely, along the globe. But for this experiment, we will contain it within one nation’s imaginary borders. But a country constitutes more than that, more than the land it entitles, more than the people in it. These are in a way, arbitrary and incidental, simply existing in one time and space.

More than that a country also signifies a contract, for better or worse. A contract between the individual and a collective. This contract can be given the label of “citizenship”. These citizens collectively, and often forcibly build clumped together to create the populace of the “state”.

The state is a catch-all term for a ruling organ of some form, for where citizens get the rules of said citizenship contract. It is through these limitations, as well as the imagined borders of said country that the citizens get their shared history. This history, together with culture, traditions, customs and products created within these borders helps to form a citizens “national identity”. In doing this, these identity collectivity and simultaneously creates a country “identity”. Both affecting each other simultaneously.

This identity helps legitimize the state, and with it, its right to rule. The state rules with contracts between citizen and state and as Thomas Hobbes (1651) states “A monopoly of the legitimate use of physical force”. These nations also identify themselves in relation to other nations. Creating groupings of shared history, culture and other bonds, or forced together by one reason or another. A nation’s identity grows when it relates to others, for better or worse.

In this way a nation becomes more than itself, more than its borders, citizens and its culture. It becomes a collection of all these incidental parts, brought forth by time and space and becomes something else. Both as a physical force and as an illusion it becomes a nation, a country.

Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan 1651

This blog post was spell checked and edited for readability at 2021-06-07

Consider a city, part 2

~ SamRandom ~ Leave a comment

We continue by examining other buildings of our city. The buildings in which we do not live, but yet spend much of our time. These would be the buildings of professions, either of ours, or of those needed for our lives and well being.

Let us begin with the prior category. This is your location of business, note that for some this is also our home, tough for most it is not. Here we perform a service, or produce a product for consumption. Services can range from selling to repairing, and selling can range from physical items such as food and toys to abstract concepts such as stocks and insurance.

You may or may not enjoy this work. Though for the process of these texts, all these facts are secondary. The main point is that you have an occupation, in which you spend a set amount of time. For the time and effort you are compensated a monetary sum, which you can buy goods and services from the second category of buildings.

These transactions will inevitably be handled by another individual, currently at their job. For the time and effort of handling your monetary transaction, they too will be compensated.

After a set number of transactions this individual will be able to make a purchase of their own, and the monetary flow stretches out, flown and intertwined throughout our city. This transactional chain does not stop in our town of course, but rather sprawls out in the world, as said worlds transactions sprawl back in.

In this way our imagination is not only interconnected through the physical lines of traffic, but through the metaphysical means of the exchange of goods and services.

Lastly there is one more group of buildings I would like to take up. These are the buildings of government and services. In some cases funded by public means, in other words the citizens of said city, or  in other cases they are funded privately privately. In this category do I put everything from police, to libraries and garbage collection. These are here due to, the are in their very core to more or less mean to serve the public.

Note that these buildings are also where individuals work, and are part of the previously mentioned monetary web. Even though some of these buildings (in some areas) have a need to stay profitable, this is not their main goal. Their goal is to provide the services needed for others to make a profit. See them as a foundation support for your city, which the rest of the city is built around.

Here is where I will conclude my contemplations of a city for now. My hope is that you will not see your city or town as a collection of blocks and stretches of land. But rather a collection of homes. That you will see the workspaces, where people like yourself work to meet similar ends. Roads full of individuals, as well as people and work of numerous services, making it all possible.

My hope is that you will look out upon your city or town and see, something more.

This blog post was spell checked and edited for readability at 2021-06-07

Consider a city part 1

~ SamRandom ~ Leave a comment

Today we are going to continue where we left off, with a city or town. Full of rooms which, through complex norms, rules and social contracts, are considered homes. Homes that may be more or less yours.

Though these buildings make up so much of the actual city, their use and significance are rarely considered. Even less the apartments and lives within.

But leaving the apartment buildings behind, what else do we see? Homes yes, several, besides homes there are offices, stores, public buildings of different kinds, as well as industries and industrial complexes, we will return to these later.

For now, let us examine what lies in between these houses. Roads, paths and pavements. The grow, they shrink, they collide and they split up. They lead us towards our destinations, or away from them. At night, from above they spread out like glowing spider webs, like blood vessels they pump the traffic through the organism that is a city. Like so many things we will discuss in this series, they are simple, accepted, and almost invisible to us.

But what is a street? An area, or several, designated for transportation by car, bike, foot traffic etc. The speed, direction and phase, all dictated by abstract symbols and lights. These lines, and dots and arrows are each a message a symbol of a shared contract.

On these roads, our directions are predesignated by social and juridical norms and laws. We might walk on these roads, we might travel by bike or moped, we might travel by car. This journey might be spatially shared in a bus, in a car, or by foot traffic. Going towards something, going from something. But always with a goal, regardless if this goal is planned or not. But on all these occasions we are separate, in our own world, only these two places matter, and in a way only them exist. On our way there other travellers can seem like mere objects.

For example, you are in a car. You are travelling from your home to your job. It is rainy and cold outside, so you have your AC on. The radio plays the morning news. The car smells of home, and of you. This is your car, a several ton heavy machine, speeding along towards some-place else. But it’s not just a car, it’s your car, and it’s not just any destination, it’s yours.

Now consider the cars around you, imagine them with the same familiarity, as well as their goals, and a similar starting point. Continue with everyone on the same street, the same road, everyone from walking, to sitting half asleep on a bus. Continue to spread out through your city or town, the road full of, no longer traffic, but individuals, all from a starting point, to a goal, though not all of them planned.

Consider a city, as we consider the roads of said city.

This blog post was spell checked and edited for readability at 2021-06-07